Questions & Answers

4 Apr

So, I’ve been getting a few questions here and there. Most of them about about the FireNine series and the OBTAINED series.


I’ll start with the FireNine series:

I’ve been asked when Montana’s book will be released. Montana will have his time to shine. I wish I could tell you all the exact date, but as of right now I have no date because I haven’t even started his book. I’ve been aiming for August or September. A little background info on myself: What some may not know is that I’m expecting a little one in October so the fact that I’m carrying a child and trying to write all of these books is stressful, but it’s okay. I know I can do it. My mind seems to be little foggier now, but no big deal. I can still write. The FireNine books will be done before the baby comes… (I hope! LOL)

Another thing… Roy’s novella I hope to get out before Montana’s book. I’m going to be honest here… I haven’t given much thought on Deed’s book, so there’s bad news there. I’ve decided not to write Deed’s short story since most of his story was told in Who He Is. Not that I don’t love Deed just as much as my other boys, but there are just some stories that don’t need explaining. It was all right there in WHI. I feel like with his story, I won’t have much to tell and I’ll be forcing it. I hate forcing stories. It’s not in my nature.  But don’t worry, he will be showing up in Montana’s book a few times.


Now onto the OBTAINED questions:

For those that don’t know, OBTAINED was a paranormal romance that I’d released about a year and a half ago. It was my pride and joy. It was my world at one point but I took it down because I wanted to do something new with it. To this day, I still think of those characters and all they stood for. I loved Jules. I loved Felix. They’re my babies, so it breaks my heart to say that I won’t be continuing the OBTAINED series as it once was. It was more of a YA read than anything. I’ve decided to make the OBTAINED books into a New Adult Paranormal kind of thing. I love NA and I definitely love Paranormal. It’s what really got me into this writing thing. The characters will still be the same, the love will still be there, and the craziness will still run in their blood, but it will be a little steamier and ten times hotter. Because, well, I love writing steamy scenes. LOL.

I don’t have a release date or time-frame for these, but I’m hoping the first one will be able to get released sometime this year. I know I’ve kept the OBTAINED fans waiting for so long and I sincerely apologize for that. The contemporary books took me by storm and I’m a writer that writes what I feel. I write from the heart. And if a character is really speaking to me, I have to get them out there, hence the reason BEWARE is being released before all of these titles. :P (June, 2014)


So thank you all for you patience. Please be thoughtful with this. It’s not easy writing while pregnant. It’s just not the same as before, but I’m not complaining. I’m trying to keep pushing for my readers and get as many books as I can out there before he/she arrives, but my baby and my health comes first. I’m passionate about what I do, and even if it takes me a while, I will get everything done, just for you guys. Just be patient with me. :)



4 Feb

Remember when I was telling you all about the book I’m working on. BEWARE?

Well, BEWARE has taken a completely different turn on me. But I can’t complain. I love it.

London and Ace are complicated characters for sure, but their story is amazing thus far.

I’ll be brief on this one:

The book has a completely new blurb. I scribbled this up last night so it may not be the final blurb, but it’ll be something similar to this. Tell me what you think? I personally find this story intriguing. It’s full of twists and turns. Full of intensity. It’s so fun and interesting to write.


Ace is bad.
Very bad.
After losing my brother, I know I should stay away. So why can’t I?
He’s irresistible. He’s confident. He’s amazing… but he’s dangerous.
He was there the night my brother was killed. He watched it all go down.
I should stay away. The things I saw weren’t acceptable. They’re not even legal.
I should want Ace as far away from me as possible—I should consider him a monster and a threat to my life—but something keeps drawing me back. Something keeps bringing me to him. Something is making me… weak for him.
He’s warned me many times to stay away. He’s even threatened me. But I know, just as much as he does, that I won’t stay away.
I won’t until I get answers.
But there’s one thing wrong with getting too many answers. It leads to lies. It leads to trouble. It leads to danger. But worst of all, it leads to me falling deeply and madly in love with him.
I’ve gotta be out of my mind.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
London Stallone hasn’t always had the perfect life, but she did have the perfect older brother. He did everything for her. He took care of her when no one else would. He’s always been the shoulder she could lean on, but when he ends up killed, things turn for the worst.
London soon demands answers, and the first person she runs to is her brother’s co-worker and good friend, Donovan “Ace” Crow. Ace isn’t the ordinary guy. He doesn’t come equipped with flowers and chocolate. He doesn’t hand out smiles and hugs to every female he meets. He’s strict and only about business, and London believes he’s a part of the reason her brother was murdered.
As time progresses, London begins to get caught up in deadly situations. Ace repeatedly tells her to back off—to get lost—but she refuses. Soon, with all the run-ins, arguments and disagreements, it leads to something Ace never thought he’d have to do for anyone.
Protect her.
He doesn’t want her to get hurt. She doesn’t want to stay away. He’s cautioned her. He’s warned her. He’s done everything he can to make her leave him, and the mess he’s in, alone. But has he done enough? Has he sacrificed everything in order to keep London out of harms way?
Sometimes love can get in the way of your priorities. And sometimes love can easily become your enemy—you worst nightmare. It can destroy you. 
This is a story full of dishonesty. Disloyalty. Broken hearts. Pain. Suffering. Lies. Destruction. This isn’t a fairytale love story. This is real. And it just might break you.
You’ve been warned…

So? Huh? Thoughts?

This book doesn’t have an official release date yet, but I’m aiming for June/July of this year! :) I’ll post a teaser as soon as I get deeper into this baby.

Giving Away 10 Who I Am ARCs!

13 Jan

Hey all!

So, today is a lucky day. I’ll be giving away [10] ARCS of Who I Am to a few peeps today. The rules are simple, really.

All you have to do is comment under this blog post, telling me what you’re most looking forward to from Roy’s book. Answers will be chosen by random, of course, but if you give me a little umph and effort as to what you’re really looking forward to – like, if you can make me believe that you seriously are looking forward to his novel – I’ll be sure you receive an ARC, no matter if it’s exceeding the limit of 10. :)

Only thing with ARCS when I send them out is I only send them straight to kindles to prevent piracy issues. Just to be on the safe side, please add my email address ( to your approved list on Amazon. That way I’ll be able to send the doc straight to your kindle without going through the hassle of contacting everyone. I will list winners on Facebook so no one’s sitting around waiting for their copy to magically show up. Be sure when you give your reason, list your kindle address along with it. (ends with

If you aren’t sure how to add my email address to your approved kindle docs, follow the steps below:

Go to > your account > manage kindle > on the left side of the screen you’ll see something that should say “Personal document settings”. Click that and then at the bottom of the screen it’ll give you the option to add approved email addresses. Again, mine is

Easy giveaway, right?

This will last until tomorrow afternoon. There’s also a giveaway on my Instagram for 2 SIGNED PAPERBACK copies of Who I Am. In order to enter for a chance to win, you must follow me on Instagram (by clicking the link below), like the post for the paperback giveaway, and then follow the rules below. The rules are pretty easy.

Shanora’s Instagram

If you don’t have an Instagram, you should make one! Why not? Instagram is fun! :D

WHO I AM Ecover

Good & Bad News… & a Sneak Peek of What I’m Working On

6 Jan


Hey, loves.

So, as you can see, I have some good news, and some bad news. Most people like to start with the bad news to keep the ending sweet, so I’ll do just that.

The bad news is that the release of Who I Am (FireNine #3) – Roy Sykes’s book – will have to be pushed back. I know, I know. This sucks, but luckily it won’t be too long of a wait. The original date was supposed to be January 14th, but because I love to promote myself and my work before just putting it out there, I’m releasing the book on January 28th. I know some people hate delays, and I do apologize but I’m not a fan of putting a book out when I’m not completely comfortable or satisfied with it. There’s so much I can do for Roy and his book and I want to really get the word out about him.

The cover will be revealed on January 10th, and to make up for the delay, I’ll be giving away a signed copy of Who I Am. It’ll be from the first batch I order. More info will be posted about that when the time comes.

To add Who I Am to your TBR list, click the link below!

Who I Am (FireNine #3)

Now… on to the good news! :)

I know after Roy’s book, most of you will be waiting on Montana’s book (Who I’m Becoming). Trust me, his book is in the works and I’ve already started it, but being a writer, different ideas always strike us at the most random times. I’ve started a new novel that I’m completely in love with titled Beware. It’s a New Adult Contemporary Romance. I think if you’ve enjoyed the FireNine series thus far, then you’ll LOVE this standalone. It’s raw and powerful. I’m very eager about it and I know this one will be completed before Montana’s. Luckily, I’m a quick writer. Since more ideas are flowing for Beware and it’s getting more attention from me at the moment, I’m going to hold off on Montana’s book until I’m finished with my current work in progress. I don’t want to force myself to write Montana’s book. He deserves all of my attention. I love that kid. And his story is going to be amazing. I want to be sure I give him all the time I can to make his story the best it can be.

I don’t have a release date for either books yet, but you can add them to your TBR list on Goodreads by clicking the links below. The release dates will be determined soon.

Who I’m Becoming (FireNine #4)


So, I’m sure I’ve made some of you upset with my good and bad news, but to add a little more sugar to this post, here’s the rough draft synopsis for Beware. (Synopsis is subject to change.)

Veronica is my best friend. And Ace is her boyfriend.

Ver and I are both determined women. After being let down repeatedly, we know exactly what we want, and most times we end up getting it. We’re so close, that I feel nothing can come between us… that is until Ace comes along. He sweeps Ver right off her feet, and somehow, our bond slowly, but surely begins to shift. Veronica and I become distant.

When Veronica takes a trip away for a few weeks, Ace and I end up hanging out more. We keep one another company. It’s completely harmless at first, but somehow, over the course of three months, I realize he and I have created an unexplainable connection… and there’s one regretful night when things explode between him and I.

We hate the feelings we have for one another, but we can’t stop. We don’t know how with Veronica not in the way. I want to stop because I’m betraying my best friend, but it’s hard to do after so long. I feel alive with him. I feel like myself around him. I forget about my demons when I’m with him.  He wants to give up on this just as much as I do, but our insatiable need for each other always overcomes our guilt. And the longer Veronica’s away, the tighter we get. Not only am I demolishing my bond and my loyalty to her, but I’m destroying and confusing him.

I’m London Stallone. My soul was tainted a long time ago. I’m selfish. I’m disloyal. I’m dishonest…


*This is not a fairytale love story. If you aren’t fond of lies, betrayal, or full-blown lust all mixed into one story, then this is not the book for you. Recommended for ages 18+*

What do you think? Yay or Nay?

I can’t wait to share this one with all of you. So far, it’s an intense one. I’m loving every moment of it. :)

More info about Who I’m Becoming and Beware will be posted on my Facebook fan page as soon as I have updates!

Thank you!

Who I Am – Roy’s Book (First 3 Chapters!) << Yes, first 3!

9 Dec

This is raw, un-edited material and it is subject to change.

All rights to this excerpt belong to Shanora Williams.

roy sykes 3

~ 1 ~

I can’t believe I’m here.

At a building belonging to a damn magazine company. This isn’t like me. The real Roy Sykes wouldn’t be doing this. He wouldn’t be standing in front of a door where loads of nosey fucks are waiting to hear about me… my story. They want

to know everything. Where I came from. What environment I grew up in. How I got started with music… if I’ve ever loved anyone.

The last one is what gets to me.


Love is what fucked me up. Love is what literally twisted me up, tossed me around, spat me out, and destroyed me. I got so caught up with her that I didn’t even see the darkness at the end of our tunnel. She was my everything… but sometimes we aren’t everything the other wants. Sometimes we aren’t enough.

Sometimes we give our all and nothing comes out of it. We give one-fucking-hundred percent and in the end are left with zero. It wasn’t supposed to end that way, and to this day I blame myself for all the screw-ups.

It’s so hard to face this building. To relive it. To think about how heavy she used to make my heart beat or how her smile made me putty in her hands. That girl… damn she worked wonders on me. She turned me into a man. She was my first at a lot of things in life. She made me face reality. I wanted to grow up and become somebody for her. I wanted to get out of the slums, out of the shit I used to deal with just for her.

And now I’m here… about to tell all the FireNine fans and the rest of the fucking world why I’m so standoffish… why I’m so selfish with my personal life. Why I’m so quiet… why I always want to feel like a ghost in this enormous world.


I spin around, facing Kelsey.

My one and only. My baby girl.

Soft green eyes meet mine and a smile appears on her plush pink lips. My eyes travel down to her tight olive-green dress, gold heels, and the jewelry to match. I never thought there’d be a day I’d call another female the woman of my dreams. She’s perfect… like no other. Long and voluminous, dark-brown hair. Thin, cat-like eyes. Curves in all the right places. Delicate, caramel-brown skin. She isn’t what the fans expected—hell, she isn’t what the band expected. I guess they all thought if I were to fall for someone, she’d be some tall, boney model with no ass and no tits.

Hell no. I couldn’t get down with that shit.

Kelsey has it all and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this fucking world. When I met her she was real. I saw something in her eyes and I’m not sure what it was, but I wanted to find out. I wanted to dig deeper because, in some sort of way, what I saw in her eyes had also been hidden behind mine. We had some things in common—in fact, a lot of things in common. Meeting her changed me. It… opened me up, which is a hard thing for someone to do. She’s the main reason I’m at this station right now. If it weren’t for her motivation, I’d currently be sitting in my garage playing on my guitar.

“You ready?” she asks, hooking her arm through mine. She stands on her toes to kiss my cheek, and I laugh, a genuine, real laugh. “Stop laughing about my height, okay? Not my fault you’re built like a giraffe.” She bites on her smile and I chuckle, pulling her into my arms.

“Babe, this shit is killing me.” I kiss her forehead. “I have to?”

“Yes, you have to. Roy, this is what you need… what the fans need. They want to hear you let it out. Everyone loves you, yet they know nothing about you. I told you how much it frustrated me that, as I fan, I didn’t know a single thing about you… but I still loved you.”

I raise my eyebrows. “For my looks?”

“Not only for your looks, silly,” she says, laughing.

“For what, then?”

“For… everything. The charities you donated to, the way you put on a real smile for your real fans.” She twists her lips, debating on the rest of her response. “There was just something about you… and we all wanted to know what it was. When you go in there and tell these people what’s really up—like you told me—they’ll understand you. They’ll respect you. Right now they think you’re some douche who doesn’t appreciate his fans—”

“Oh, get the fuck outta here! I have more appreciation for my fans than all the boys combined.” It was true. I had utmost respect for my fans because they gave me this life. They’ll root for us no matter what.

“Then prove it, Roy. Go in there and give them a piece of you. If anything it should make you stronger.”

I look her in the eyes. She’s right, and I know it, but this shit is hard. I don’t want to think about it—none of it. “Kelsey, I—”

“Don’t say you can’t, ‘cause you can. If you can tell me, you can tell them. You don’t have to spill everything… just enough.”

“But I trust you. Knowing how these people are, they’ll blow it out of proportion and turn it into some bullshit story.”

“True, but you and your band are popular, baby. You can’t expect the simple things in life anymore.”

Sighing, I run my hands over my face, then take a look over my shoulder at the back door, debating on whether this is right or not. I look at Kelsey who’s already looking at me with a reassuring smile. It’s the smile she gave me when I first met her. It’s lazy… sexy.

My lips curl up and I reel her in by the waist. “Just promise to be around at all times. I wanna be able to look at you. See you. I can’t do this shit alone, Kells.”

“I’ll be standing right outside the door, Sykes. No need to fret.” She knuckles my cheek playfully and I lean down, wrapping my arms around her. I pull her into me, enjoying the embrace. She’s warm, live, beautiful… everything I’m not. Her tongue slips between my lips and I groan, skimming my hands down her waist and squeezing her ass, letting my tongue coil to play with hers. She yelps from the squeeze and rapidly pulls back, slapping my arm with a wide grin.

“Just because I have an ass to grab doesn’t mean you can do it out in the open, Sykes.”

“That ass is mine, Kells. Can’t help it.” She blushes and I laugh a little, grabbing her hand. She squeezes mine and then I take a deep breath, facing the door, knowing what’s about to occur is going to either be the best thing to happen to me and the band, or the worst.

~ 2 ~

8 years ago

With all I’ve been through, things aren’t clear, but I do remember the day I met Rosemarie like it was yesterday. Some would say it was a perfect fall day; clear blue skies, puffy white clouds, bright green grass and a cool, comfortable breeze.

Gage and me were playing on our usual bench in our town’s park. Gage’s dumbass kept hitting the wrong chord and we’d have to keep starting over. I was pesky that way. I never allowed the boys to slack off. We were doing better. We’d just graduated school, and shit was riding smoothly. Life was sort of… easy.

“Look, you keep hitting the wrong shit and we’re gonna be here all day.” I blew out a breath, placing my guitar down beside me. I ran my fingers through my hair and Gage groaned, setting his guitar on his lap and pressing the tips of his fingers on the chords.

“I got this. All right?”

“Apparently not.” I scoffed and he shook his head, strumming once.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. How’re things with Ms. Joanne?”

I swallowed hard, lowering my gaze. “Not getting any better.”

“When’s the last time you visited?”

“Last night.” I left out the part where I stayed until six in the morning. “I’m picking her up tomorrow morning.”

Gage looked at me with excessive concern and then set his guitar down. “Dude, look… saying shit like this isn’t easy—and you know why—but all I can say is keep your head up. She’s a strong woman.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah.” I wanted to say more, but it was all I could manage. I hated talking about it.

He looked me over twice before sighing. I was glad he dropped the conversation. I hated talking about Mom and I knew how much he hated talking about parents and family in general. “I’m gonna get outta here. I’m meeting some chick for ‘tutoring’ and then I gotta work.” He strapped his guitar on his left shoulder while making air quotation marks with his right hand.

I laughed, picking up my guitar again. “Have fun with that.”

“Sure you don’t wanna come?” he asked, taking a step backward. “She has a sister… an older one. A hot one.” He wiggled his eyebrows, but I laughed again, shaking my head and aligning my fingers on my guitar.

“I’m good, dude. Have fun.”

Gage shrugged and then took off down the brick path. I watched him disappear before blowing out a breath and placing my guitar down. Things with Mom weren’t good. Not a bit. And it fucked with me. Badly. I couldn’t even think straight. My only escape was music but for some reason—at this moment—the music just wasn’t flowing for me.

Quick footsteps came my way, but I didn’t look up. I knew it was someone jogging. They were panting. No need to be nosy. But in a matter of seconds, the footsteps stopped. I remained still. “You play?” an airy voice asked above me.

I looked up with startled nerves, meeting sky blue eyes. A soft smile was on her lips, her platinum hair was shiny… silky. She had on exercise clothes—tight black yoga pants that clung to her hips and thighs and a tight white tee that revealed a glimpse of her erect nipples. I hesitated on responding, looking her over.

She was stunning. Gorgeous… every word in the fucking book that related to beautiful. Her plump lips curved into a deeper smile as she flipped her ponytail off her shoulder before bending down to tie her shoe. She was standing at an angle and I had the perfect view of her ass. Fuck, she had a hot one. It was so wrong of me to think sexually but the way she was bending down, right in front of me, made me want to hop from that bench in a heartbeat, drag her some place private and slam my cock right into her. I wanted to hear her moan, scream, cry my name. I wanted her to be pleased by me. I’m not sure why this sudden urge took a hold of me, but as my cock twitched, I knew I had to settle down before I ended up getting into some shit I didn’t need.

The girl stood back up straight with a smile still on her lips. “You hear me?” She giggled. It was cute. She was cute.

“Uh… shit. Yeah. Heard you.” I ran my fingers through my hair, grabbing my black acoustic. “Yeah I play. Have been most of my life.”

“Oh.” She pressed her lips, shrugging. “Can I hear something?”

“Depends,” I sighed out. “You got some spare change?”

Her laugh was harmonious. It made my heart pound. “Well, no, but you look like you’re very good at it. Maybe I can reward you with something else…” She batted her feather-like eyelashes.

“Oh yeah?” I looked at her beneath my eyelashes, strapping my guitar around me. “What you got in mind?”

She twisted her lips. “Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe—”

“Dinner and a movie?” Or dry humping until you’re willing to give into me?

What I asked obviously caught her by surprise because she clamped her mouth shut, staring at me with wide, crystal-like eyes. “I—um…” She laughed. “Uh… you would want that… with me?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“Well… I just… I don’t know.”

She blushed. She obviously was the type of girl who didn’t receive compliments much. I could tell. Her face was as red as a cherry. “Come sit.”

She looked me over as I strapped my guitar around me. I fought the urge to meet her eyes. What I was about to do was going to be something I’d never done. I’d never played my guitar for any female other than my mom. But this girl… I wanted to play. And I also wanted to score myself some ass. It’d been a while. I didn’t usually go around picking up random chicks and fucking them, but I did have a way of getting a select few within a certain time frame in my bed.

“Your name?” I asked.

“Rosemarie… Rosemarie Beretta. Yours?”

“Roy.” I grinned, strumming my guitar and giving her a side-glance. “Sykes.”

“Nice to meet you, Roy,” she whispered.

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

I went with playing “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson and as soon as I started, I couldn’t stop. There’s my inspiration. She’d just brought it right out of me. Singing wasn’t my thing. I had a voice like the people they rejected on American Idol, but I loved to play. I used to practice this song day and night but I never had the chance to play for anyone.

Rosemarie’s knee brushed mine as she shut her eyes and inhaled the tunes. She was getting a thrill out of hearing the song. I figured she knew what the song was and the meaning behind it because, while her eyes were closed, a smile was hinting on those full, rosy lips.

I took the time to observe her as she bobbed her head and tapped her foot to the music. Her cleavage was popping out of the V of her tank top and a trickle of sweat had dripped from her chest and slid between the plump curves. I wanted to stop what I was doing and lick that sweat away. I bet it was sweet, just like she seemed to be.

Her fingers were folded and I made out a tattoo in cursive script across her right index finger. It read, “Life’s too short.” That was true, and then I realized maybe we had the same mindset. Apparently she loved music. I knew by the way she was swaying and humming to it. I knew she liked to have fun. Only a carefree soul would get a tattoo about the shortness of life. I had one myself.

There was something about this girl, and I wanted to know so badly what it was. I had a hunch… and it was shocking that I went along with it.

I finally stopped playing and Rosemarie’s eyelids fluttered. She looked into my eyes, gave a crooked, alluring smile, and I think I nearly exploded in my pants. Fuck, her smile was sexy. She was sexy. Why the hell can’t I control myself?

“That was incredible, Roy,” she murmured.

I shrugged. “Lots of practice.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I enjoyed your little twist to it, too.”

I smiled. I didn’t think she’d catch the twist. Nobody else did except my band brother, Montana Delray. He had an ear for music.

Things became silent as I looked ahead and Rosemarie lowered her gaze. The birds chirped above us and a few people jogged by, some as a couple and some alone. I should have been speaking—I mean, it was rude of me not to—but I didn’t know if the plan of a dinner and a movie was going to work out. I had a lot on my plate, in fact too much. I didn’t want to drag some random chick into the picture. A part of me knew she wasn’t just some ordinary girl.

For one, most girls around Suffolk knew exactly who I was without the need for me to introduce myself. I was Roy Sykes, lead guitarist of FireNine. We were just a local band back then, but everyone around knew and loved us. We got almost everything for free with a wink of an eye, did big gigs at Steele’s bar, and we’d always be the band playing at someone’s house party.

But this girl, Rosemarie, she didn’t know me. She didn’t have that spark of familiarity in her eyes. I was just a stranger to her… and for the first time I was glad. I hated being idolized. I hated when girls kissed the pavement I walked on. I hated that they’d suck my dick just to get a kiss on the cheek from me… okay… I’m lying. I loved when they sucked my dick, but I just hated the popularity. I loved my peace. My quiet. I loved either being to myself or hanging with the boys I grew up with. My band. I knew we were going to have to rise to another level one day, but I was never ready for it. I wasn’t ready for any of life’s shit to be thrown at me… but I had to man up. I had to get over it and face it all.

Rosemarie shifted and I looked at her just as she stood. “Well, that was great. Thank you.” She forced a smile and took a step back.

I hesitated, unsure of what to do… what to say. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be worth my time, or the bigger question, whether I was going to be worth hers. I didn’t know anything about this girl and already she was making my head spin, my cock twitch, my mouth dry, and my sentences short. I wanted her in my bed more than anything, but I knew she was worth way more than that. I had respect for women who had respect for themselves. She was one of those girls who wouldn’t just give it up to any boy she came across.

She took one more step back as I stared at her like a fucking idiot. She probably thought I was crazy—hell, I thought I was crazy. I didn’t know what I wanted. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fuck her brains out and ditch her, or fuck her brains out and keep her around. She looked like a keeper. She looked like she could provide nothing but happiness. Satisfaction. Peace.

I needed peace. I needed happiness. Mom would’ve loved for me to find some sort of satisfaction in life, and I would do anything to see a smile on Mom’s face, so before Rosemarie disappeared, I yelled after her, clutching my guitar and rushing in her direction.

She stopped rapidly, spinning around. I met up to her and then took a deep breath, looking her over. I can do this. I can do this…. Right?

“Uh… so that dinner and a movie? Would you like to… you know, with me?” I asked, hesitant.

Her face was stale and emotionless, and at this exact moment I panicked. I knew I shouldn’t have asked. I just fucking knew it. What the hell would she want with me, a tattooed freak with hair I refused to cut and a guitar I called my best friend? What the hell would she want with me, a loner? A fuck-up? A selfish lunatic?

Just as I thought about saying never mind and running off to hide at home, a smile spread across those beautiful lips and she took a step toward me. She smelled like sweat and vanilla… and it smelled fucking divine. I wanted to lick her all over. I didn’t care if she’d just ran a mile or if she hadn’t showered yet. She looked like she tasted sweet and delicious… everywhere. Damn, I wanted a taste of her.

“I’d love to, Roy Sykes,” she said, right before kissing my cheek, grinning broadly, and taking a step back. My eyes expanded as she asked for my cell phone. I fished it out my back pocket, speechlessly handing it to her, and she plugged her number in. As soon as she handed my phone back, she said, “Call me tonight. We’ll make arrangements.”

She spun around, ran off, and smiled over her shoulder. I returned a faint smile, clutching my phone in hand, and as soon as she looked away, I watched her perfect ass jiggle as she ran down the path. And I didn’t bother moving an inch until she was completely out of sight.

Holy. Fuck.

~ 3 ~

Stepping into our tiny, cramped up one-bedroom apartment, I shut the door behind me, placed my guitar in the corner, and plopped on the beat-up brown sofa.

Without a doubt, our home was shitty and I always made fun of it whenever one of the boys stopped by, but only to make it seem like I didn’t care about how it looked. I was ashamed of the place, yeah, but it was my home. Although there was a leaky roof, the linoleum in the kitchen was peeling, and I saw a rat or two scurrying about at least once a week, it was good to me. To us. Mom spent all the money she had on this place and the chunk I made weekly went into rent. I admit my way of making that chunk wasn’t cool. Not at all. I hated what I did, but I had to do what I had to do in order to survive.

Standing from the sofa, I made my way to the kitchen and started one of the burners on the stove. I grabbed the cheese, bread, and butter and went with making a grilled cheese sandwich. Surprisingly, as I made the sandwich, Rosemarie was heavy on my mind and I couldn’t seem to shake her for the life of me. That body. Those lips. Her voice… it was all stuck in my head.

I flipped my sandwich with the spatula, considering myself an idiot. What was I thinking, asking her out on a date? She didn’t need me around… but I just couldn’t let her get away. The chick was hot and she seemed to have it all together. She seemed smart. I loved a woman with brains.

I devoured my sandwich, scrubbed out my pan, and placed it in the dishwasher. I made my way to my room, which consisted of a mattress in the far right corner, a basket full of my clothes, and a closet with my guitars and amps. I sighed, stripping down to my boxers and lounging on the bed.

But then it hit me. She told me to call her.

I perked up and scrambled through my jeans. As soon as I pulled my phone out and searched for her number, my heart almost stopped. Why the fuck was I so nervous? I really had no clue at all. I did this shit all the time… but I guess this was different. The only time I’d call a girl was to meet up and bone her. But with this girl—Rosemarie—I was making real arrangements, and quite frankly it freaked me the fuck out.

I allowed my balls to drop, though. I pressed the call button and it rung in my ear. I think my heartbeat was louder, though. She answered after the third ring.

“Hello?” she chimed into the phone.

“Uh… What’s up?” Playing it cool was never my thing.

She giggled. “Roy Sykes, right?”

I laughed a little, but I couldn’t ignore the knot forming in the pit of my stomach as she asked that. “Were you expecting someone else?”

“No.” She said it simply, but I could hear the smile in her voice. She was teasing me.

I laughed again. “I mean, you are pretty hot…. And we just met. Right? There could be plenty of other guys chasing after you.”

“Yes. True. But I’m just messing with you.”

“I know.”

Silence. Yeah, this shit was fucking awkward. I didn’t talk much, but I went with it anyway. “So, how about the burger joint downtown and Regal Cinemas afterward? Friday?”

She laughed. “Yeah. That’d be great. What time will you be picking me up?”

I paused then, and at this moment I wanted to say fuck it and hang up. I had no fucking car. I didn’t have shit but my own two feet to take me places. I was quiet longer than I thought I was because she cleared her throat and asked if I heard her. Yeah, I heard her. I heard every word.

“I’ll pick you up around six-thirty.” Stupid!

“Six-thirty sounds great, Roy.”

I found it weird that my heart sped up a notch as she said my name. “Great. It was… uh… nice talking to you, Rosemarie.”

“Same here. It was great meeting you today. You play a mean guitar.”

I smiled a little. “Thanks.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “So… I’ll call you Friday afternoon then, when I’m on my way?”

“Sounds great. Goodnight, Roy.”


I hung up and blew out a breath. Why the hell I was holding my breath, I didn’t know. But I did know I was screwed because I didn’t have a car to take her on this date. Mom didn’t have a car, either. I thought about cancelling—just giving it all up—but I knew to make a way somehow. In the back of my mind, I knew there probably was no way.

My phone rang again, startling me as I was about to lay down again. As I looked at the screen, my pulse paused.


I hated when he called me. I hated him period. I ignored the call, but he called back. I ignored it again, but it rang once more and I cursed beneath my breath, standing to my feet. I knew not to piss him off. He was the wrong person to piss off, and if he had to he would’ve shown up at my doorstep just to get some sort of response from me.


“Where the fuck are you?” Corey barked into the phone.

“Home. Where else?”

“I need you to get to my place. Right now. Got some shit I need delivered and everybody else is already out. Be here in ten.”

He hung up before I could even respond.

I sighed out, tugging my jeans over my legs and slipping back into my black tee. I slid my boots on, flipped my hair out of my eyes, and headed out of the apartment, locking it behind me.


I arrived at Corey’s a little after ten minutes and of course he was pissed. What the fuck did he expect? For me to run? I didn’t run for or from anybody—nobody but the cops anyway.

“Fucking late as always,” Corey muttered, slamming a bulky brown paper bag on the table.

“The walk from my house to yours is about fifteen minutes,” I said, sliding my fingers in my back pockets. “There’s no way I could make it in ten. I don’t have a car.”

“Then you fucking run here!” he shouted. “Buy a bike or some shit.”

I pressed my lips, looking away. I had to bite my tongue real hard with Corey and I hated that shit. I hated how he ran me like a dog—thought he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with me. I guess since I joined this shit, I was considered one of his pets. And there was no way out of it. Once you’re in, you’re in.

Corey had dark skin and dark brown eyes. He was claimed to be the “King” of all things drug-wise in Suffolk. He was buff, with thick arms and legs, smothered with tattoos, and wore the best Jordan’s and Nikes he could find. He smoked cigarettes but swore he’d never touched an illegal drug in his life. I didn’t believe that shit. This man was fucking crazy… and he sniffled and wiped his nose a lot whenever I was around. The whores he had running around his house did it, why wouldn’t he?

Gripping his thick fingers around the bag, Corey slid it across his desk, looking at me beneath his eyelashes. He was an eerie motherfucker. He scared the living fuck out of me sometimes. “Take this shit up to the white house. They’re expecting it by eight.”

“Am I free to go home after this or are you just gonna trap me here again?” I was being a smart ass, but I knew when not to cross the line.

He looked me over with a scowl. “You leave when I fucking tell you to leave. Matter of fact, as soon as you drop that shit off, bring your ass back here.” He turned around and grabbed a cigarette. “Don’t fucking question me, Sykes. I let you have your little freedom with your band earlier today, but keep testing my limits and I’ll be sure you don’t see your band for weeks. You’ll be saying bye-bye to that weak-ass guitar of yours.”

I swallowed, but concealed my emotions. He knew the band and my guitar was a weakness of mine. Every time he brought it up, it made me shut up and move the hell on. And I did just that. “I’ll be back,” I muttered, turning on the heel of my boots and stepping out his office.

As soon as I was out the door and down his porch stairs, I cursed beneath my breath and kicked one of the cars sitting in the driveway. I didn’t know whose car it was but the alarm went off and I cursed beneath my breath again before pacing forward and disappearing in the night.

The only reason I was doing this for him was so I could pay the rent and the hospital bills. I had a part-time job at Steele’s bar but I was only listed on the schedule twice a week… maybe less than that. The place was never that busy until weekends. I didn’t want the clinic to kick Mom out just because we didn’t have enough money. I told her I’d make a way and I was doing just that. Making a way. No matter what I kind of shit I had to go through.

Only for Mom. Only for my fucking mother. 

Copyright, Shanora Williams 2013

Who I Am (Roy’s Story) Blurb & Teaser!

21 Oct

So I’m sharing Roy’s blurb a little early. Why? ‘Cause I love ya! :)

Check it out:

Some stories aren’t easy to tell.

Some situations aren’t easy to relive.

But I was raised to be strong—to hold my own. Because of it, I was hurt, torn down, beaten and even had my heart snatched right out of my chest.

But I’m ready now. It’s time for me to speak up. You want to know what really goes on inside my head, well I’m right here.

Real. Raw. Intense.

This is all me. Roy Sykes. This is my story, and trust me… its far from pretty.

roy sykes 9

Good, huh?? *sighs* I love Roy!

Anywho, here’s a little teaser of what’s to come! January 14th… better get ready. ;)

(Remember, this is raw, un-edited material and it is subject to change.)


On our way to the hospital, Mom talked about how she was enjoying her new doctor. I met him a few times and he seemed genuine, like he really wanted to help her. Mom continued talking about the friends she met at the hospital, but I couldn’t really get over what Corey and Cheek said to me. They didn’t intimidate me, but I knew now they were probably watching out for me. They were losing trust for me. They were considering me a threat. All because I delivered something and was untouched during the process. Why couldn’t they just accept that? Why did they have to make it a bigger deal than it was?

On our way, each and every day, Mom and I passed by a stoop where four men sat and drank their lives away. They had nothing else better to do than make fun of people, aggravate them, scare them, and on this day, I was already fed up with all the bullshit but they’d hit my last nerve.

“Look at that slut!” one of the men yelled. I was about to stop walking but Mom gripped my hand and shook her head.

“Remember what I said, Roy. Pay them no mind,” she murmured, keeping her gaze forward.

“Ay! Joann! Remember how you used to suck my dick! You were good as hell at it. Good times, huh? Now you can’t do shit for me anymore!”

A growl bubbled at the heart of my throat. “I can’t let them keep talking about you like this,” I muttered. I didn’t realize I had stopped walking and Mom was tugging on my arm until I starting staring at the black road.

“Infested bitch!” one of the men yelled. “Take your raggedy ass away from here before we catch it, too!”

They all laughed. And I snapped. I yanked away from her and rushed for the stoop, knocking down the empty beer bottles and cans. All the men stood up, but fear was in their eyes. And anger was within me. One of them with a dusty red beard tried to be bold, but his drunk stagger wasn’t allowing him to stand as tall and mighty as he wanted to.

“What? You mad ‘cause you might have it, too? It isn’t your fault, boy. It’s hers,” he said, pointing over my shoulder. “She shouldn’t have been such a fiiillltthy whore.” His words were slurring together.

All the men laughed, and I took a look at each of them thoroughly. “That’s funny?” I asked rhetorically, tilting my head and cocking an eyebrow.

Before any of them could laugh again, I gripped the man with the beard by the throat. He seemed to be the one leading them into making fun of her and calling her names so it was time to end it. Locking my hand around his neck and turning him around, I dragged him down the stairs and slammed his face on the concrete. The bald man came rushing down, trying to pull me off of him but I wasn’t having it. All I could see was red. I was out for blood. Mom was all I had and I wasn’t about to let them continue their shit talking. I was tired of seeing her cry. Tired of hearing her moans and cries of pain. Tired of all the crap in our everyday life that we didn’t even deserve.

Without thinking I slammed his face into the pavement over and over again. The other two men remained still, watching as the blood gushed from his face. I was threatening this man and I didn’t even know it. Venomous words were spewing right off my tongue. Threats that I was going to kill him for all the shit he said about her. How he wasn’t shit and never would be. How he was going to pay for it all. He was my excuse. My escape.

I wanted to kill him… I really did. I couldn’t think. Mom kept yelling. But then she whispered something… and I stopped. Reality hit me like a baseball bat to the gut and I jerked away from the bloody man before me. Blood was spilling down the stoop stairs, making it’s way to the sewer. Mom was wailing, crying, tugging on the sleeve of my jacket, begging for me to just come with her and walk away from it all.

“This isn’t you, Roy,” she repeated, stepping in front of me. She was right. I couldn’t look at her. I could only stare at the man. And then I stared at the other three who were staring at me, as if they weren’t expecting me to go as bizzerk as I did on him.

My mind was racing, my ears filled with my own piping hot blood. How did I get so wound up? Why did I take my anger out on him? I never would’ve let those men get to me. Words meant nothing to me. Insults were nothing. I didn’t care as long as no one touched me, but… I literally fucked this man up. And why?


Shit, Corey. All my anger was tunneling back to him. The way he touched me, shoved me, and literally made it seem like he could spit on me and walk away pissed me off. He made me feel worthless. Like a fucking idiot. I never, in my entire life, let anyone punk or fool me like Corey did. And I hated how he could get away with it. I needed that money. I needed it all! I just hated that I had to make my living through him.

“Shit… Mom… I’m—I’m sorry. Please…” I didn’t know what to say. I heard shuffling and looked back to see the men helping their beat down leader back to the stoop. I caused damage, yeah, but I don’t think I caused enough to the point where he was going to die. That was good, I guess. But he was banged up. Badly. He was going to need stitches… and a lot of them.

“S’okay,” Mom cooed. “Just come on. Come with me, baby.”

Nodding, speechless, I walked away with Mom, but I couldn’t help looking back at the man I’d just pummeled. The man I imagined as Corey. The man I took my aggressions out on. I committed a crime, but I knew those men on that stoop weren’t going to file a report because they were all criminals to some degree.

And I realized I got lucky.

Very lucky.

Copyright, Shanora Williams 2013

Club Chapter – Gage’s POV

24 Sep

Remember… this is raw material. It’s my writing at it’s ugliest (LOL). It’s unedited, but enjoy it. :)HARVEY AS GAGE 7


The music was loud and the girls on the dance floor were really going at it..  “Give me three more!” I yelled at the bartender. I was nearly hammered. I wanted to drown out the dumbass argument I’d just had with Deed. He was pissed I didn’t want to stay in the VIP room with him. I mean, why the fuck would I? It was boring in there. I get he wanted me to be his wingman and all, but he needed to open up some. He needed to let loose a little bit.

“Gage, you’re so sexy,” Penelope said. She clung to my waist and used her other hand to glide it down my chest. I smiled down at her. I could tell she was drunk. Her eyes were glazed over and low.

I shrugged. She giggled and the bartender slid our shots to us. I heard Eliza was coming, and for some odd reason I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even while I was with Penelope, it wasn’t working. Although I didn’t really like dealing with Penelope, she was good for being a distraction. I’d never let a girl get to me the way Eliza did. And what made it worse was seeing her walking through the front door of the club.

She looked hot as fuck. Her platinum hair was down and stopped at her chest. Her makeup was done and she wore a tight silver dress that revealed more skin than I’d ever seen on a woman. She looked fucking hot… and I think for a moment I was drooling.

“Gage?” Penelope called. Snapping my gaze on her, I clamped my mouth shut and forced a smile. “I’m gonna go run to the ladies room. I’ll be right back.” She leaned up to kiss my cheek and I nodded, pressing my lips. As soon as she was gone I looked up to find Eliza but she was no longer by the door. I scanned the club, peered over the bouncing bodies and flailing arms until I spotted her. She was standing at the bar with Montana who’d just draped his arm across her shoulder. Seeing his arm sort of ticked me off. She would never let me touch her like that but with Montana she didn’t have a problem with it. I watched as he led her to the VIP room and the guards let them in.

It brought relief to my conscience when I saw Montana step out of the room moments later. He made his way to the middle of the dance floor, hooking his arm around a few girls along the way.

Taking a deep breath and wiping myself down, I started toward the VIP room. Of course the girls tried getting my attention. To their dismay it wasn’t working. I felt it was necessary to go bother Ellie. I called dibs and all the boys knew it. If anyone was flirting or messing around with her it was gonna be me.

As I stepped into the room, Ellie was standing in front of the door. I could smell her. She smelled sweet like vanilla and honey. I had the urge to touch her, just to see what kind of reaction I would get. If I got a smile, I knew I could score something from her. If I got a frown, I knew I was going to have to put some work into it. She wasn’t an easy one to deal with. And for some reason that ticked me off. I never had to work hard to catch agirl’s attention before. Never.

She spun around and I smiled down at her. To my luck, she returned the a faint one. “What brings you here? You don’t seem like the kind of girl who likes to get down and party?” I asked.

She was hesitant as she spoke. “I… uh… yeah… this isn’t what I was up for tonight.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, confused.

“Ben forced me to come out,” she explained. “I’m not really a party person.”

Of course she wasn’t. She didn’t even look like she belonged here. “Well maybe we can change that for tonight?”


“We can start with a drink.” I lifted my hand and gestured to the table in the middle. “We have beer, margaritas… or if you like the hard stuff, some whiskey, tequila, and vodka.”

Her face was solemn. “I don’t drink,” she mumbled.

Never heard that shit come out of anyone’s mouth before. “Damn. Sucks. You should definitely make an exception.” I had to make her feel comfortable a little and I also knew a few drinks would get her to open up. I leaned in but she took a step back, obviously letting her nerves get the best of her. She tore her gaze away from mine and looked at the table.

In a matter of seconds she asked me, “What would you have?”

Grinning, I pressed my hand against the small of her back and if I weren’t mistaken I felt her shiver. It felt sort of… cool to touch her. Sort of… okay. I was surprised she was letting me. I led the way toward the table and grabbed a shot glass of vodka.

“It’s not about me,” I said, responding to her question. “For you, I suggest a shot of vodka.” I handed the glass to her and she took it without hesitation. “That is, if you’re really looking for fun.” I was trying to be cool about it. I was running game, that’s for sure, but I also wanted her tipsy… or drunk. Whatever got her to open up. I grabbed another shot glass for myself and watched the relief wash over her face. “Let’s see. What should we make a toast to?”

“Um… for a rockin’ tour?” she responded. She winced and I couldn’t help smiling. It was pretty corny, but it was cute. She tried.

“That could work,” I said. “We could also give it up to getting acquainted, becoming great friends, and for two months full of diehard fun?”

Maybe I was crossing the line there. I don’t know. She made it clear she wasn’t very interested in me before. I guess she didn’t like when I flaunted around her. It was best to take a new approach. I couldn’t just go in for the kill and attack like a lion. I had to be graceful and majestic… sort of like an eagle catching it’s prey. To my surprise she giggled and looked at me beneath her eyelashes. Damn she was hot. “That sounds great.”

“All right, to a rockin’ tour… and all that other shit I said before.” I smiled, our glasses clinked, and then we swallowed them down. Shit seemed to flip as she finished hers off. Her eyes expanded and she hissed through her teeth. I tilted my head, confused as to what the hell was going on with her. With wide eyes, she looked from me to the table and picked up one of the glasses of water. She took deep gulps and when I figured out what her problem was, I burst out laughing. Yeah, this was definitely her first time drinking. I remembered that feeling. The burning sensation of strong alcohol coursing down your throat with nothing to soothe it with after. I was used to it now, though. To me drinking alcohol was just like drinking water.

“You’ve got an amateur on your hands!” Deed yelled while laughing. “Sure about this one, Gage?”

I whipped my head to look at him, scowling only a little. He narrowed his eyes, obviously still mad I didn’t want to hang with him in the VIP room. Bentley wasn’t here. Therefore it wasn’t necessary for us to hang out together the whole time.

I looked at Eliza as she placed her glass down and gasped. “Why is it so strong?”

I couldn’t help the laugh. “How else will you feel it?”

Shrugging, she placed her shot glass down. This girl really was hot. And I was sure she didn’t know it. She was flawless. Breasts perky and full. Legs long and slender. I wanted those creamy legs wrapped around my waist. I wanted to kiss each one of her breasts, get a taste of what was between her legs. Anything. Why was I feeling like this with her? I don’t know. It was new. Really new. I wasn’t sure why I was striving to capture her attention so much. “Have you ever danced before?” I asked as she looked at me again.

Before she could respond, the door swung open and I glanced over my shoulder. At the sight of Penelope I rolled my eyes. Great. Just fucking great. She met at my side, wrapped her arm around my waist, and eyed Eliza. Penelope was the jealous type. She always wanted to make it known we had something going on. We weren’t dating. Just seeing each other. Whenever she was around, we’d mess around but it wasn’t anything serious. She wanted serious. I didn’t.

I could tell Eliza’s mood had been ruined. Her face stiffened and she stepped back, looking Penelope over at least twice before looking at me and reaching for another shot glass.

“Who’s your friend?” Penelope asked.

“This,” I said, pulling her in a little, “is Ellie.”

“Eliza,” she corrected.

My eyes expanded a little. Did I offend her? “Eliza,” I whispered. “Smith.”

“Oh. Nice to meet you, Eliza,” Penelope said. “I’m Penelope Binds, Gage’s girlfriend.”

Ugh. She was not my fucking girlfriend.

“Nice to meet you,” Eliza murmured, reaching a hand out to her. This shocked me a little. It didn’t seem to bother her one bit. And for some reason that pissed me off. Maybe she wasn’t interested in me.

“Gage, I wanna dance,” Penelope whined, poking out her bottom lip.

“Let’s go, then. Oh, and Ellie,” Gage called. She raised her eyebrows at me. “Have fun tonight.” I winked, taking Penelope’s hand in mine. Nothing I did ever got to her. Nothing. What the fuck? As we stepped out the door, girls squealed and rushed our way but the guards held them back. I wasn’t worried about them. I couldn’t get Ellie out of my damn head. What did I have to do to get this girls attention? Send Penelope home after one dance? Yeah. That’s what I was going to do.

A quick remix came on and Penelope and I danced, but I wasn’t feeling it. Not with her. To be honest I wanted to dance with Eliza. I wanted to feel her on me somehow. I wanted her ass planted between my legs, her arms around my neck. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, breathe her in. Was that too much to ask for? Shit.

“Penelope, I’m leaving in a little,” I said, dragging her to the bar and away from the dance floor.

She looked at me, confused. “You aren’t going to invite me to the bus?”

I shook my head, sighing. “Not tonight. You know we have to focus.” That was bullshit. I just didn’t want her around me.

“Oh.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, I’ll call my driver.” Of course she wasn’t going to leave without a taste of me. She crushed my lips with hers, hooking her arms around my neck and moaning. I couldn’t kiss her back. I honestly never did. It was never right. “I’ll see you soon.” Kissing my cheek, she turned on her heels and danced her way to the door. She was doing it for attention. She wanted me to watch her dance—to call her back to me.

Moments later and Eliza was stepping out the VIP room with Deed. She had her hand in his and seeing it caused a frown to take hold of my features. They pushed through the crowd and I watched them. As he spun her around and glued his hand to her waist, I bit into my bottom lip.  What made it worse was the fact that she didn’t pull away. I was sure with me she would’ve made any excuse not to be near me, but with Deed she was actually going through with it.

I watched as he whispered into her ear and she smiled. The back of her head was resting on his shoulder and his hands were roaming her body. He was doing all the shit I wanted to do to her. He knew I called dibs. He knew I fucking wanted her!

I couldn’t let it go on any longer. I was never a cock-blocker but with her, I had to cut in. He knew the rules. Once someone called dibs, you couldn’t fuck with the girl. I would’ve never done that shit to him.

Pushing through the crowd was tough with all the girls screaming and grabbing onto me, but I made do. I felt a few kisses on random places of my body like my arms, hands, my neck, and even my cheek, but I wasn’t stopping. A few had even grabbed me but I shrugged out of it. It was pretty easy since they were drunk.

I stopped less than a foot away from Eliza and Deed dancing and continued my frown. “Deed, what the fuck?” I yelled over the music. Eliza’s eyelids fluttered open and Deed’s eyes widened as he looked at me. There was a smile on his lips, proving he knew exactly what the fuck he was doing. “Having fun?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I am, actually,” she said. She sounded pretty serious.

Deed pulled away from her, chuckling as he stepped to her side and slung an arm across her shoulders. She winced from his aggressiveness and he eased up a tad. What the hell was he trying to do? Why was he bringing her into it? What was going on between us was between us. There was no need to cause unnecessary drama. “Ellie and I are just having some fun, Gage. Don’t be a cock-blocker.” He was gloating. Fucking dick.

I had to keep my cool. Sighing, I said, “Don’t call her Ellie, Deed. You didn’t come up with that.”

“But you were right,” Deed said, smirking. “It fits her more.”

All right. He was really pissing me the fuck off. My jaw locked and I thought about saying something to really piss him off but when I met Eliza’s confused gaze I held off. “I think I’ll be stealing her away from you now,” I said as calmly as I could. Deed was pissed for sure, but what the fuck did I care? He knew how it went. I called dibs, she was mine. Nothing was going to change about that. He stared at me for just a moment but pulled away instantly and walked up to me. The look he was giving me said it all. He. Was. Pissed. The. Fuck. Off. He bumped into my shoulder and stalked off, but I couldn’t fight my urge to smile. I won. It’s all that mattered.

I looked back at Eliza who was confused about the whole situation. Her eyebrows were stitched and her eyes were narrowed. I was sure she wanted an explanation but I wasn’t up for it. Grabbing her hand, I spun her around. She didn’t pull away like I thought she would. My drink plan worked. She was loosening up. A smile took over my face as her back hit my chest. I wrapped my fingers around her chest and I held her at her middle. A moan escaped her and I inhaled.

“You’re a true lightweight,” I murmured in her ear. She moaned again as I rocked my cock against her. “Benny told me to watch over you tonight. I wasn’t supposed to tell you I’m your undercover babysitter, but Deed… He isn’t the kind of person you wanna get involved with. He carries more weight than you could probably handle.” I wasn’t her babysitter… but I called dibs and I was the one who got her to drink. It was necessary to take some responsibility over her. But about Deed… that was true. She didn’t want to get involved with his shit.

“Oh,” was all she said, but she was still moving. Still glued to me.

“I think I’d be better at dancing against you tonight anyway,” I whispered again. My lips were on her ear and she shivered again. I loved when she shivered. It meant she was feeling something. I think I was turning her on. Shit, she was turning me on. With her hips buried into me, I couldn’t control it. My cock was twitching the more she moved her ass. I was sure she could feel it all. I wanted her to feel it. I wanted her to know I was into her. My teeth grazed her earlobe and she shuddered again.

“Why are you flirting and dancing with me when you have Penelope?” she breathed out.

I didn’t know what to say on that one. To be honest I didn’t have anyone. I didn’t give a fuck about Penelope but I realized with her asking about me and Penelope she was obviously thinking about me. Was she jealous? I had to know.

I continued working my magic, inching my fingers up. She was getting comfortable with me. I knew because the back of her head was now resting on my shoulder. I moved my hands up more, getting closer and closer to her breasts. I could hear her moaning. Her body was reacting positively to my touch. Instead of touching her breasts, I skipped over them and pulled her hair away from her shoulders, my lips hovering over her neck, my breath tickling her skin. I wanted her to beg for more with her body. I wanted her to say she wanted me to touch her.

Not only was she getting turned on, but my pants were growing tighter. I was getting harder and harder, feeling my cock poking her ass. The more she danced it was harder to control myself. I grunted as she buried her hips deeper and locked her arms around my neck. Shit… she was good. Really good. It didn’t seem like this was her first time on a dance floor.

“Penelope’s gone,” I finally murmured. I still needed to know if she was jealous.

But I think I hit the wrong button with her because she stopped dancing instantly. “So you come to me when she can’t see you.” She spun around and a smile took over my face. Yeah, she was jealous. I just proved it. Jealousy was cute on her.

“I’m only taking care of you, Ellie,” I said, smirking. I needed to stop. I knew she was really getting pissed. But I couldn’t help it. I loved the reaction I was getting out of her. Any reaction from her was good. It meant she cared a little… that she wanted something from me. That she was interested.

“I’m twenty-one. I don’t need a babysitter, Gage,” she snapped.

“In here you do.” I looked around and she looked with me. A few men were staring straight at her ass. They knew not to touch her with the security guards around, but it didn’t mean they wouldn’t try when the guards got occupied. She rolled her eyes with disgust and stormed past me. She grabbed the handle of the door for the VIP room and dropped down on one of the cushions. I couldn’t let her stay mad. It was wrong of me to smile, but I was pretty drunk and when I’m drunk I really can’t help some of the shit I say or do.

I headed into the VIP room and sat beside her. “I must have upset you,” I said.

She moved away from me. “I’m fine.”

“I thought you didn’t do the party and club thing?” She looked at me rapidly.

“I don’t.”

“But you were dancing against Deed like a pro. That’s saying a little something.”

“Trust me, that’s new to me. I’m sure it won’t happen again.”

“It can happen,” I said, sliding in closer. “Just not with Deed—or anyone like him.”

“So you’re telling me what to do now?”

I held back on a laugh. “No.” I slid in even closer.

“Well, then I can dance with whomever I like.”

I ignored her statement. Her breaths were getting heavier the closer I moved in. She couldn’t resist me. I was glad I figured that out. She had some kind of interest in me. “Did you enjoy dancing with me, Ellie?” I murmured. Reaching down, I touched her thigh and her legs locked around my hand. Ah, there it is.  I broke her stubborn shell.

“The question is did you enjoy it?” she breathed.

Laughing, I pulled my hand away to rest my arm on top of the couch.

“I know you felt that. I enjoyed it more than you think.”

She burst out laughing. “Why?”

Was she serious? I’m pretty sure I was making it obvious that I wanted her. “Did I not mention before that I find you hot? Sexy? Getting a dance from you was one of the many things I wanted from my ‘what I’d like from Ellie’ list.”

“You have a list? What are the others?” she tempted.

“I’m sure if I were to mention the others, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now. In fact, a bed and handcuffs would most likely be involved.”

“Handcuffs?” she laughed.

I shook my head, frowning a little. “You find that humorous?”


“Don’t tempt me, Ellie.” I sighed, sitting up a little. “All I need is your word and those handcuffs will be put to use one day.” I pulled one of the oldest, most charming cards in the stack. Tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. Her breath hitched but when I used my other hand to run it across her thigh, she stifled a moan. “All I need is for you to say yes, and I swear you won’t forget how good I made you feel,” I added.

I couldn’t believe she was letting me get this close. She didn’t seem like the type to let anyone get near her delicate areas. It was apparent those drinks were doing something to her. She looked down, but I tilted her chin up with my finger. Her icy eyes locked with mine and we stared at one another. I wanted to kiss her, and I could tell she wanted to kiss me. Her chest was leaning into mine, her lips were parted. Her body was craving… begging. This girl was too innocent. In fact, I think I knew exactly why she was so hesitant about a lot of things—why she’d never drank or danced before.

“The only thing is…” I whispered against her lips. “…I’m not sure if a virgin would be able to handle me.”

Finally she blinked and knowing what was coming, I pulled my hand away. “How do you know I’m a virgin?” she asked.

“It’s obvious.” I shrugged. “You don’t drink. You’ve never danced on a dance floor before tonight. Signs of a virgin right there.”

“I could just be an undercover freak. I could’ve been lying just to get you stick around.”

Now that… that made me laugh. “You’re funny, Ellie. Adorable. It’s part of the reason I shouldn’t mess around with you too much.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why shouldn’t you?”

I tilted my head and pressed my lips. How the hell was I supposed to respond to that without making it known that I found her more interesting than I’d ever found any girl? How was I supposed to respond without telling her I wanted a part of her… anywhere? I didn’t want to sound like a wimp… a corny-ass lover boy. I couldn’t get her caught up with me. Not after knowing she pocketed the V-card.

To my luck, the glass door swung open and in came Montana and Roy. “Gage, you’re missing it. Chicks are revealing tits and shit out there, man!” Montana yelled, reaching for a glass of Jack Daniels. Montana downed his drink and as he slammed down his glass, his face pinched a little. “Good shit.” He sighed. “Come on, Gage. I need a wingman. Roy’s acting all bummed out and shit.”

I looked from Montana, who was making his way toward the door, to Eliza again. “You’ll be okay in here, right?” I knew she wasn’t. She seemed sort of iffy about being here in general. As she took a look around, she shrugged and folded her fingers. “Uh, yeah,” she said quickly. “I think I’m just going to call Ben and tell him to call a ride for me or something. I’m kinda tired.”

Standing, I nodded and walked backward toward the door. “Great idea.” I had to get the fuck away. I was glad we were interrupted. Something was happening between us… something that was most likely going to turn out badly. I couldn’t tell her how I really felt. Feelings always got me fucked up. Feelings always took me down the wrong path. I admit I did want to bone that girl, to take her back to the tour bus and keep her there all night, but I was afraid of the outcome. After all that would’ve happened, I would’ve had to stay true to her. She was a virgin. And I was taught to avoid virgins unless she’s what I really wanted. I couldn’t just brush her off after fucking her. It would’ve been wrong of me. I didn’t need the guilt. I couldn’t take away her innocence. I wasn’t about to become that guy.

“Come on, Gage! The ladies are getting antsy!” Montana yelled.

I held back on a sigh and winked before turning around and dashing out the door.

Montana found us a few hot girls and I tried doing all I could to get rid of what I really wanted out of Ellie. Anything. I had two girls at one time at one point. I had them touching me everywhere. I wanted anything to distract myself from her.

Ten minutes later and I saw Eliza stepping out the VIP room.

As she saw me, I only had one girl dancing with me. It caught me off guard when the girl turned around and kissed me. I caught Eliza staring from a distance so I wrapped my arms around the girl’s waist and pulled her in closer. It was best to get her to forget about me a little… to lose interest. I didn’t want her wanting me to take something that valuable away from her. I couldn’t afford it—shit, I was afraid of it. She was a virgin and I was… me. I couldn’t screw her over like the other girls. At least with the other girls they were known as whores… sluts. I made a promise to someone a long time ago. I had to stick to it.

The girl pulled away, giggling, and I forced a laugh before turning her around to start dancing with her again. I smacked her ass a few times before bending her over to see more butt than anything else. I looked up and caught Eliza’s eye and seeing how pissed she was brought relief. She wouldn’t look away, though, and I couldn’t. She was still walking to the exit, but staring in my direction—at me. I knew in order to get her to look away… to forget whatever she felt with me before I had to bring out my arrogance. I had to piss her off—get under her skin. I winked, blew a kiss at her, and smiled, and with that she rolled her eyes and stormed off.

I admit it was pretty fucked up. And as time passed I thought about it more and more. How could I have some part of this girl without taking her virginity—oh, that’s right! I couldn’t. There was no way. Not with me being on the go. Eliza was a good girl, but I was afraid of settling down. Settling down wasn’t even in my nature. I was usually the one who fucked and then left—or kicked them out. It was always this way. Shit couldn’t change for me because I wanted one girl.

I had to get out of the club. I told Montana I was heading back to the tour bus. He was confused about it but he didn’t bother talking on it. I caught a ride, arrived at the tour bus and headed in, but not without taking a look at Eliza’s window. Her light was on, and I wasn’t sure how she was feeling but by how she left I was sure she was pissed. She needed to be pissed. Someone like me didn’t deserve to get real with her. A part of me wanted to change one day… but it wasn’t this day. I wasn’t ready for all of that yet. I knew with her around it was going to be hard to stay away—hard not to mess around too much—but I had to make do.

As I lay on my back in the dark with my eyes wide open, I hated that I couldn’t get her out of my head. The way she moaned when I touched her. The way she looked at me beneath her eyelashes. The way she licked her lips or even how she buried her hips into me, turning me on and making my dick harder than a rock. Her look of disgust was what got to me most. I hated that look. Usually I would brush it off but with her it was hard to do.

Fuck… with her on this tour shit was going to get tough. And I didn’t know if I was prepared for any of it. I guess I had to be someone I didn’t want to be to keep her disgusted with me. The more disgusted she was, the better. The more she avoided me, the better. Her virginity was safe as long as she couldn’t stand me… and I could deal with that.




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